


You are thunder and I am lightning

by Jankenpon (orphan_account)



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Consent Issues, Flashbacks, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, aged-up, i'm...not sure what to tag this as tbh, like always
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:03:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2275911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Jankenpon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The intensity of this particular night makes Killua feel too overwhelmed and he handles it in a way that is probably really unhealthy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Fire and lightning are things Killua grew up with. Simple facts, different flavors and textures of pain for him to endure.

 

But it didn't make him much of a romantic. Even now, after years of knowing how he felt for Gon, it annoyed him to hear love stories. The empty metaphors of description; 'You lit a fire in my heart', 'He was like lightning running through me', it all sounded unpleasant and wrong to his ears. He knew what those things felt like. It wasn't anything good.

 

That's why, on this particular night, the air hot, feeling something like a magnet drawn incessantly to Gon's skin, finally able to give in, finally able to _touch_ , Killua has only a second after Gon's teeth meet the skin of his nape

 

He thinks with a joy diluted by delirium

 

_Oh, so this is what the stories mean to say--_

 

But then as soon as it's perfect it's also too much, there's fire in his gut and lightning coursing through his veins wherever Gon's hands pass over him, and he needs-- he just needs

 

“Stop” he says and he almost yells it, he's surprised at his own lack of control, he's running out of air it feels like, “Gon, _Stop--_ _Please--_ ” he pulls away. Gon's mouth follows but his hand takes a rest on Killua's thigh. Finally, he notices. Jerk.

 

“Killua? Are you okay?” he asks, and there's so much concern in his voice. He tries to answer but he notices he has lost the ability to speak—it's becoming something of a struggle to breathe. This is really weird. What's happening? 

 

He pulls away, raising a hand up to try and at least let Gon know he's okay –weirdly, Gon's face doesn't change-- he staggers out of the bed, nearly falls out really, and then he's wandering into the bathroom, and the lights have never seemed this bright before, everything is so much,  _too much,_ he slams the lights off and plunges himself into the dark and he's not sure why but he can hear himself wheezing, gasping for air

 

He's still too disoriented to understand much, but he can hear Gon's footsteps coming, he can practically feel the concern coming at him and he doesn't want it, what he wants is Gon-- what he wants is Gon's big arms wrapping him in them, keeping him whole, what he wants is Gon's kiss, hot and hard and demanding – so why is he in here?

 

His breathing still isn't calming down. This isn't good. The dark might calm him down but Gon is going to come in here and he will be bright lights and boundless love and intense, unstoppable  _feeling,_ and Killua isn't sure why but he isn't sure he can handle that right now

 

He calms down enough to notice the crackling. He's crackling, literally. He isn't sure if it's a defense mechanism, in his head he keeps getting flashes of whip cracks and electricity and hot rods and Illumi's eyes, everything washing over him and then away like a violent, impossible tide-- or if it's simply an excess of energy, if he's filled himself too much on joy and pleasure and Gon and now he's overloading in some way.

 

 

 

This, he understands: Gon is coming through that door, his voice booming his name, and it's going to break him.  _Gotta stop him_ , Killua manages to think through the haze.  _Somehow, just one lousy time--_

 

The door is swinging on it's hinges

 

_Gotta just find a way--_

 

Even cast in shadow

  
_please just this one time--_

 

his eyes are so bright

 

_gotta_ _**shut him up –** _

 

his mouth is opening and that can't happen, it just can't, so Killua meets it with his own, flips the switch

 

sets them both alight.

 

_Do you get it, Gon?_

 

He supposes he thinks it but it's more like instinct than thought

 

_Do you feel this too?_

 

The lightning hisses and shoots from him and into Gon, out of Gon and into him, his teeth are biting down on Gon's lips, his hand is clenched hard over Gon's dick, pressing and rubbing and backing Gon into the wall even though he's bigger than Killua is. He can feel Gon's hands clenched hard on his shoulders,

 

the taste of blood slips into his tongue and he recoils from it in surprise and that's the first time he notices the noise Gon is making. His voice is a rumble, a guttural groan filling the back of his throat, locked behind teeth that are gritted so hard they might splint. For a second, it wavers, gets higher like he's running out of air.

 

It clears his thoughts for a second. For a precious moment, he breathes in deep. Riding the breath, all the well-known anxieties rush in--

 

_Jesus christ, I'm hurting him_

 

_I know he's scared of this_

_  
Fuck shit what am I doing_

 

_Gon_ \--

 

 

 

 

The lightning wavers and starts to taper off. Gon's chest hitches and swells as he breathes in. Killua feels like a live wire, charged and dangerous, like touching him again might kill, but the desire, the guilt, the fear, none of it has time to settle in and be real before Gon's hand is gripping his at the wrist, so hard it might break, putting it back on his cock and oh god, oh fuck

 

Gon's never looked at him with eyes quite like that. They're thick and heavy, these are eyes that are swollen with desire and something like pain but something like need.

 

These are Gon's eyes when he's begging

 

These are eyes that no one else has ever seen.

 

“Killua,” he pants, and it's breathless-- “Killua, _please--_ ”

 

He's not honestly sure, still, if he's pleasuring Gon or hurting him

 

He just knows he's giving him permission

 

Right now, that's all Killua needs.

 

He leans in.

 

He licks the streak of blood from Gon's chin-- it's not a taste he's ever sure he'll like, but there's a bitter sort of pleasure in it. Gon didn't even care, if he'd noticed it. Gon's hand is on the back of his neck, playing with the hair at his nape, then taking a strong grip.

 

Gon's knee bends, his leg goes up, hooks on his the small of Killua's back like he's about to be dipped.

 

Killua's free hand goes behind Gon, to his back at first but moving down once he realizes keeping it there will get it pinned into the wall, resting on his ass with a gentle sort of grip.

 

Once again, like he's emptying out his soul, Killua sets the spark of his life alight.

 

This is the moment when he realizes he's never really heard Gon scream.

 

He'd yelled before, maybe-- in laughter, in annoyance, in joy and rage-- but this? This was Gon's voice, cracking and going high before panning out because it simply couldn't go any higher. This was Gon's eyes shut hard in ecstasy. This was the resounding echo of his name, filling the night, filling the universe:

 

Killua

 

Oh, Killua

 

Killua, please

 

This was Gon running out of breath with pleas still on his lips. This was Gon, for once, overwhelmed and out of his depth. Out of his mind and out of his depth.

 

And trusting Killua with it.

 

It feels like forever but doesn't take too long. There's lightning coursing through Gon's veins, fire in his gut that Killua put there, and when it occurs to Killua he can move his hand during all this it's just two quick pumps, a few helpless whimpers from the guy who owned his heart and stood half a head above him, and Gon was squirming and coming undone in his hands. Warm, thick liquid spilling onto Gon, onto Killua, onto the floor and maybe the roof between them, who the hell even knew.

 

Which is good, because after what feels like an eternity, Killua is tapping out of energy. He slumps against Gon and Gon slumps in equal measure against him. Between the two of them, they form a structure that can sort of maybe stay on its feet.

 

Then Gon tries to take a step forward, and just like that they crumble, Gon pinning Killua down to the bathroom floor out of sheer gravity.

 

There's breathing. There's heat. There's the wetness of Gon's sweat, all around him. There's the feeling of Gon's breath against his skin.

 

After what feels like forever, Killua finds the strength to speak.

 

“Sorry”

 

Usually, Gon would answer instantly. A second passes. Two seconds. Three seconds.

 

At last, a compromise of sorts: Gon's nose nuzzling into the bottom of his chin. A curling of Gon's hand into his. An exhausted sort of attempt at a kiss.

 

It's not good enough for Killua. He was calm now—stable, at least, but the ability to think only added more and more guilt.

 

“I could've really hurt you, if you hadn't-- I really couldn't-- I couldn't even”

 

God, he hated words. They always failed him.

 

“...llua...” it was weak, and sounded almost...angry. He supposed he'd deserve it, but he was still scared.

 

“I know I fucked up really bad, I hope I didn't-- I won't do it aga--”

 

Gon's free hand plopped down on Killua's mouth, smothering. His other hand pulled free from Killuas, slowly coming up to Gon's lips. A finger pulled over his lips.

 

  
“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

 

Killua went quiet. Gon's arms dropped and curled around Killua's shoulders, pulling him up, pulling him closer.

 

 

 

 

 

They were quiet like that for a while. Killua dozing off, unsure as to whether or not Gon was asleep. Gon's chest pressed into him when he breathed in. Gon's head rode his chest with his own breath.

 

 

He wasn't sure how much time passed when, finally, Gon got up.

 

Killua was already trying to get up himself, but Gon didn't seem to care—in one fluid moment, he'd picked him up, kind of like a princess. Another time, another place, Killua might have been embarassed.

 

He settled for nuzzling into Gon's chest. Stroking a hand through the hair there—almost thick enough to be called fur, but not quite. Sometime he'd get Gon settled down long enough to shave him, maybe.

 

He still wanted to speak, to say sorry, to make sure he hadn't hurt Gon's trust—or his body, though he seemed to be doing better than he was.

 

He let Gon lay him down in bed instead. Turned slightly as Gon climbed in next to him. Tried to meet his eyes.

 

It was dark, but he succeeded.

 

There wasn't much there, though. Mostly, there was lethargy.

 

But he smiled at him lightly.

 

“Tommorrow” he said simply. “We can talk about it. Tomorrow.”

 

He crawled closer to Killua. Took him in his arms again. Took him in his legs, too-- Killua still somewhat hard, Gon flaccid and empty, pressed together.

 

Killua blinked. Any other time, the anxiety and guilt would have kept him awake, but with Gon so close, so warm and inviting--

 

He felt only drowsy.

 

Gon was right. It was worrisome, but...it could wait until the sunlight.

 

He wrapped his arms around him.

 

Maybe Gon was just too tired, too empty, to feel afraid or nervous about it tonight. Maybe he'd taken too much out of both of them. He could almost laugh.

 

He heard Gon say, unsure whether he dreamed it or not:

 

 

“Killua...

 

 

Thanks.”

 

He fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look I know how fucked up the last chapter was I needed to make them at least kind of healthy ok don't look at me

Gon woke up thanks to three sensations:

 

He felt something absent, an emptiness that felt alien

 

From the open door, he could smell—chocolate.

 

And finally, every inch of him felt sore.

 

He rolled over and groaned. Everything felt raw, not quite painful but definitely more intense to the touch.

 

He stood up and his legs wobbled for a second, making him hold on to a nightstand to keep his spot.

 

He took a breath. Closed his eyes.

 

He'd played with increasing his healing capabilities before. It was pretty standard enhancer territory, and once Kurapika had described the how to him, it had been about as easy as swimming. His Nen was still a bit exhausted from the instinctual defenses he'd put up last night, but with nothing but soreness to work through, bringing himself back to peak would be easy.

 

He licked his lip and tasted blood, and grinned to himself.

 

He wouldn't be doing that.

 

He shored his body up with it instead, buffering the space between his body and the air, the floor and the soles of his feet. Not much. Just enough to keep him standing.

 

His tongue lapped at the blood, savoring the iron and the salt of it. He let go of the night stand, making sure he was steady on his feet.

 

He bounced up and down a few times, hissed and relished the bursts of protesting agony.

 

 

 

He ventured out of the dark room, into the dimly lit living room, in search of Killua.

 

 

 

 

He found him leaning back his chair too far back on the table, waiting for the chocolate to finish heating on the stove. Killua noticed his presence instantly—no, more likely, he'd felt him coming from the moment he woke up.

 

Killua's eyes went up to his face, his neutral pout turning quickly into one that was strained and ashamed. His eyes didn't linger for more than a second before he was looking away-- specifically, back at the chocolate.

 

There was quiet.

 

Eventually, finally, Gon spoke

 

“So uh. That was--”

 

Killua cut him off, neck snapping back, eyes locking with his

 

“Sorry!” he said simply, earnest and undiguised.

 

“I, I didn't mean to...sorry” he said again, stuttering and growing quiet. He looked down.

 

Gon stood quietly, remembering the night. Killua had—panicked? Freaked out? They'd done stuff like this a few times now, so he wasn't sure why it would happen now.

 

Whatever the case, he'd stumbled into the bathroom, and Gon had followed, worried and concerned.

Once he'd opened the door though, the world had gone from black to bright white-blue so fast that he'd barely had a chance to process it, let alone get a word in.

 

There had been Killua leaning in, taking his lips, and a single moment of panic at the surprise of it-- a single instant of memory, of a dozen women a dozen times leaning into him, their hands often wandering-- but Killua had been lightning, and the light had washed all thought, even all fear, resoundingly away.

 

Still. Even if it'd worked out this time-- even if Killua had needed it, even if he wasn't mad. That couldn't hide the hesitation he could now feel at the thought of reaching for Killua again. That something else would set Killua off so suddenly, so utterly.

 

Gon wasn't sure what to say, but he was prone to honesty

 

“I really liked it, you know”

 

“You like a lot of awful things. I _scarred you_ , Gon”

 

Gon blinked. What?

 

 

 

 

“Your...” Killua blushed, and simply pointed.

 

Gon looked down.

 

Killua's hatsu was, despite appearances, not strictly speaking actual electricity. It was certainly intense, and probably close enough that it'd be difficult to tell the difference, but it was still Killua's aura, subject to his desires and needs. That was probably the only reason that the discharge of power hadn't killed him, had caused so much more pleasure than pain. Killua's intent had been muddled, but not hostile.

 

Still, he was right. On his crotch, going up his belly and around his left side—where Killua's other hand had rested on his behind-- there was a tapestry of lifted skin, slightly discolored. It looked like thin branches of trees, marks of leaves. Weirdly enough, his dick seemed fine, but Gon supposed that made sense, since that was where he'd put most of his nen defenses.

 

To both of their surprises, he giggled.

 

“Idiot! It's not funny!” Killua protested “I could have killed you!”

 

“You're right! I'm sorry,” Gon admitted through his laughter, attempting to dissuade Killua's angry pinching. “It's not funny.”

 

Killua settled into his chair a bit more.

 

“It's kind of hot, actually”

 

Maybe it was the shaky ground they stood on now that Gon's boundaries had been breached. Maybe he was worried about going too far again. Maybe he just didn't feel like touching him. But Gon's cheeks didn't get pinched, and he didn't get flicked, and Killua didn't even scream.

 

He just uttered a tired, exasparated sort of groan, and slumped into his arms on the table.

 

“What? What did I do?”

 

“You're just....so...difficult...!!!” Killua whined, broken and dejected. “I fucked up really bad, Gon! The least you could do is be mad at me!” Gon had to try not to laugh again. He scratched at the back of his neck, instead.

 

“Well, yeah, I guess...” he said, his voice almost a laugh anyway. “But it was kind of, uh, you know...”

 

Killua looked up. Attentive.

 

The smile curled around Gon's lips on its own—he really couldn't help it. He looked away from Killua, up at the roof.

 

“Shocking, I guess...?”

 

 

 

Killua slumped down. This was it, then. This was his punishment. He would die from shitty puns.

 

He had just enough time to bemoan his fate before the ringing of the alarm for the chocolate distracted him. Since he had the meager protection of boxers, as opposed to Gon who was shamelessly bare as usual, he got up. He turned the stove off quietly, pouring out two cups and setting the other by another chair for Gon. He set the pot along with his own cup by his own chair.

 

Gon sat, and they were quiet for a little while, unsure of how to proceed.

 

“Do you want to tell me why you did it?”

 

He ventured a look upwards. Was this another trap?

 

No. Gon's eyes were sympathetic and earnest, still worried, but both of them were too drained for much in the way of the intensity they were used to.

 

Killua looked at his hands instead.

 

“Um...well. It's hard to explain. You just kind of...it just...”

 

He was fumbling. This wasn't gonna work. He took a deep breath, and started over.

 

“It was too much, all of a sudden. Like, being with you, you looking at me. It was overwhelming, and I kind of lost it. I went into the bathroom to calm down but you were going to talk to me and your voice was too much, and I just—I couldn't. I needed you to be quiet. And then I needed the pour it out, to get rid of all the energy, and it just kind of...”

 

“Yeah.” there was something in Gon's voice, but Killua didn't quite understand it.

 

“I have to say, honestly, that was pretty scary.” he said. Killua's heart sank even though he knew it had to have been. “Also, it still kind of hurts. Is it bad that I like that it hurt, kinda?”

 

“I dunno. Probably. You're a freak.” Killua answered honestly. Gon giggled.

 

"Freecs, yeah. You already knew that, Killua." 

Killua groaned as hard as he could possibly muster. He was hoping the force of it would break his spine or something. Gon simply laughed in response, huddled over the chair, closer to him.

 

“That was pretty awesome, though. Like...really great. Like, wow.” Gon went on. Every word made it seem more embarassing, somehow.

 

Gon, though, was muddled up in the thought of it. He remembered Killua, painted in light. He remembered ecstasy and agony. He remembered making sounds he'd never known he could make. Sounds heard only by Killua.

 

He took a breath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We can't keep doing this, though, like this? Don't you think?” Gon said. Killua looked at him with eyes that seemed almost panicked, and Gon realized his mistake. “Ah! Um, I don't mean that we can't like, keep doing stuff like this. Just that,” his played with his hands to do something with them. “Like, you're always worrying about how scared I am, and now I'm gonna be scared of freaking you out too much too, so shouldn't we like...I dunno, like, try to deal with this stuff? Try and fix it?”

 

Killua settled a bit.

 

“I don't think it's that easy to just 'fix' all our issues, Gon. We're fucked up.” he said, and for a second he couldn't really hide the seldom considered bitterness—bitterness at his parents, bitterness at Illumi, bitterness at everything that had happened with the chimera ants. Bitterness at what had been done to Gon at Whale Island, too.

 

Gon noticed it, he knew, but he accepted it. Killua wondered if Gon also felt that bitterness, but if he did, he didn't show it. He settled into his cup, his smile wide but somehow sadly knowing.

 

“I guess so...” he admitted. “still, I figure we should try, kinda. Maybe Dad knows more about how than we would.”

 

Killua looked over at Gon. This might've been the first time he'd heard him refer him to Leorio as father so casually. He couldn't really stifle the small grin at his lips.

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Killua admitted. “The old man does know his stuff. Sometimes.” He rested his arms up against the chair's rest, leaned his head back, and rolled the chair onto its hind legs.

 

“Killua.” The voice called, and it was rough and serious. It pulled his eyes to Gon like a tug on a leash, and it didn't even occur to him to be bothered.

 

Gon was looking at him.

 

 

“Next time you get like that, if it happens again... I won't come after you.”

 

Killua's lips felt dry, a little.

 

 

“So, next time you feel like zapping me, give me a heads up first or something, okay?”

 

He nodded.

  
Gon smiled at him.

They drank their chocolate. A little more, in the wee hours of the morning, they moved forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to my friend Ara at paintscroll.tumblr.com for the "Freecs" pun which is now my new favorite moment of this fanfic thanks. Thanks. i edited that in because it was so important you're a hero to us all

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't really feel like it fits into the Things that come next flow of events, to be honest, so I didn't really want to include it there.
> 
> That said, I guess this could be considered a sort of counterpart to Dick x In x Sakura, with Gon and Killua essentially trading roles in a way. 
> 
> Not sure what else to say about this! hope you enjoy it I guess


End file.
